I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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