Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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