can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
