I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
