i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
