Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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