my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
