He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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