My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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