i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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