It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
