this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
