Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
