Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize