i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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