im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
