"it" just moved
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
