well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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