Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize