4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
