When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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