so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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