i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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