Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
