I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
