I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
