sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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