Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
