oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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