so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
