All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
