I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
