I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
