The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
