I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need a beard to bite.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
