You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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