I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize