I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
