Jerry, you need to find god
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
