I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So much rum. So many feels.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
