so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
