things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
