mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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