Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
