I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
