i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
