i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
