Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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