I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
