Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
