Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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