I am midnight drunk by noon
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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