"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
