Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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