I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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