i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The power of my boobs compel you
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
