Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
