well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
