i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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