You don't have asthma, your pregnant
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
