mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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