Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We have started to decorate penises.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
