if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Mom said you looked used
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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