Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
