It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
