Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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