Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
