and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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