I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
