I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize