He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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