I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
