can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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