Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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