just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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