She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
