I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
