She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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