dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
