go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
