I wish I could teleport
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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